I don't speak about my grandfather much. I don't really visit him much either. It's not that I don't like him. I believe I know why now, though. It's because I feel so goddamn uneasy.

My grandfather loves his grandchildren. It's a good thing, because he does have 16 grandchildren and and 12 great-grandchildren. He is, however, a Roman Catholic. That, in itself, wouldn't be a problem. There are millions of Catholics in the world, and I don't feel this unease around them. The problem is that he is a very, very conservative Catholic.

In case you haven't noticed, I am not only atheist, but I am rather liberal in my views. Not that it's hard to be more liberal than him. He has often reproached some of his children to have have kids before marriage, that sort of thing.

He also believes that people who are not Roman Catholics will burn in hell. It doesn't matter if you are a wonderful, kind, generous person. If you are not Catholic, it's hell for you (I have the sudden urge of saying "There will be no cake for you"). It doesn't matter if you were born in 15th century South America, before Incas met Europeans for the first time. Were you Catholic? No? Well, you know what's waiting for you after death.

I don't believe in an afterlife, but it still is uneasy to be around a man who believes your wicked ways are dooming you to an eternity of pain and suffering.

Because it doesn't end there. Just that, I could live with. I just would avoid talking about religion. And God. And death. And Sundays.

My grandfather also believes that women shouldn't wear pants, shouldn't have jobs and should spend their time at home, taking care of children and meals for their husband. Needless to say that doesn't agree with me.

And then, of course, remember how I am bisexual? Well, I never heard my grandfather talk about homosexuality and I certainly never want to. Should I get myself a nice girlfriend, I can't bring her at my grandparents', or even mention her. I don't even dare imagining what he would do if he were to learn of my orientation.

In brief, I live with an undeniable fear of him. He doesn't know it, but he is disgusted by everything I stand for and am. Atheism is a belief and a choice. Bisexuality just is. I don't have a problem with my own orientation and it generally isn't of other people's business. It is sad, though, to be unable to share your love stories with your family members.