Puceronie

Posts Tagged ‘mental health’

Good News (and Stupidity on the Radio)

Friday, July 17th, 2009

A couple of days ago, I was in the car with my mom, and the radio was playing. I can unfortunately not tell which station it was, I'd venture to say it was Espace Musique, but don't quote me on that. Anyway, they were giving a short interview to someone in regards to the possibility that the European market would open itself to transgenic food from North America, for example corn. The man said Europe is not very keen on buying transgenic food because it wants to protect its own market. I can't comment on that, I'm not in Europe. He however went on to add that "there is no scientific difference between transgenic food and non-transgenic food". If I had been eating anything that moment, it would certainly have flown out of my mouth faster than light.

Is this man completely stupid? He has just killed whatever credibility he might have had: the idea behind transgenic food is that is has been modified using science. I wonder if this should be taken into a larger context, where conservatism tends to see science as that Other thing, the thing that doesn't really concern us because it's all theories and calculations and stuff that doesn't apply to Us. What does science have to do with our food, anyway?

As for the good news, they have nothing to do with European economics. I am moving back out of my parents' home around mid-August. I will be living in a home for speshol peepel. I'm not quite sure what the correct expression would be in English, but basically it is a home under supervision by counselors. Up to 9 people can live there at any given time.

I will be paying a pension. It is more expensive than a regular renting would be for one person, but it includes food, electricity, furniture, etc. Meals are prepared by the counselors, although we are welcome to help. We must all contribute to the maintenance of the home (cleaning, doing the dishes, taking out the trash, etc.).

My goal is to increase my autonomy. For example, I haven't washed a bath in years, simply because I am unable to. I know how, obviously, but I have a complete blocking due to ewness. The kind that makes me scrub my hands until they get infected.

Oh, and the place I'll be living is in a nice area of Montreal.

What If It Was The Other Way Around?

Saturday, December 20th, 2008

I think I mentioned something the other day about my psychiatrist increasing my medication dosage. The increase was from 30mg to 40mg. I start taking the pills, and it didn't take a week before the effects started kicking in...in a bad way.

I felt constantly tired and rather dizzy. I lost my motivation for doing anything...I knew that the single important change in my life then was the dosage, so I thought of going back to 30mg.

But what did I do instead? I went back to 20. I thought, why not try it? I can see how I feel at 20 and, if things go bad, I'll go back to 30. And guess what? It is AWESOME! The drowsiness is gone and I feel much better. I've even done some cleaning and cooking. I haven't turned into a perfectly healty girl mentally, but I feel much better than I did even when I was on 30mg. Hurray for moi!

You Are In No Position To Judge Me

Tuesday, December 9th, 2008

Normally, when you say "you are in no position to judge me", it sounds cool. You're talking to someone and standing up for yourself. In my case, however, the person I'm saying this to is someone who shouldn't be hearing this: my psychiatrist.

Basically, two people are following me. One is my actual therapist. She is the one I meet regularly, two to four times per month. She knows many details of my offline life and so on. If I mention the name of someone close to me, she'll know who that person is and quite a lot about our relationship.

The other one is my psychiatrist. Because of hierarchy, she is the one who is really in charge. She is the one who decides what treatment is better for me, whether or not I need a treatment at all, whether my medication is appropriate, etc. The problem, though, is that she doesn't fucking know me. I see her once per several months. Today, I learned that she is thinking of closing my file because my depression is over. No shit! See the date? February 2007? Yeah, that's the one. It's been almost two years and I have recovered already! Such progress for health science.

Sarcasm aside, this basically sucks. She knows practically nothing about me. She gets at most one hour for a quick summary of my life during the time we haven't seen each other. And what does she gather from this? She thinks I'm just a tad bit lazy and merely need a better alarm clock or something.

Never mind the days where I get up easily, get fully ready for work...and end up staying home because I'm afraid of panicking if I go outside.

Never mind my total lack of responsibility and the complete confusion I find myself in when I'm confronted to important decisions. And I do not mean seeing good and bad things in all the choices laid before me, I mean being completely unable to think about the situation.

Never mind my chronic sleep problems, my nightmares and my phobias.

No, no, this is all temporary stuff. It's only been a bit over 10 years, after all! I'm good to go.

Yes, It Can Hurt

Monday, July 30th, 2007

I hate how some people behave in relation to what some people post about. I'm referring more specifically to the way most people react to Janet's site.

I'm sick and tired of seeing people being rude, calling her a retard, mocking her for having a therapy, etc. Shut the fuck up.

Some people got mental diseases and it's a good thing to talk about it, to let it out.

I'm not talking about her coding or anything, I don't really care at the moment, in fact. What I'm pissed off about is people's reaction to her, like she was some worthless person with nothing of interest.

There are people in the world who suffer, and maybe it's fucking time you stop trying to take us down and actually accept us as we are. I'm not talking about ass-kissing or spending your whole fucking time telling us that "zomg you're sooo great i lyke tutally luv u!11!" I'm talking about shutting the fuck up with your goddamn insults.

When I post about mental problems, I'm not expecting to have 50 people commenting to tell me that they're totally sorry and really wish I'm gonna be better. I'm just venting out because it's an important issue for me. Other people are saying that Fark Oath is shit, well I'm saying that phobias suck.

Another thing that pissed me off in the past month was someone's post on a message board talking about how she was in pain and nobody cared. She immediately proceeded to say that she was referring to physical pain, not emotional, as she isn't an emo person. Why is it wrong to speak about emotional pain? I'm not talking about the crappy .tk site I found the other day, where the owners posted extremely crappy poems and talked constantly about their pain and cutting themselves. I'm just saying that I have the right as a human being to post on my blog about depression, phobias, OCD and whatever else I might want to talk about.

If you want to stick to my happier posts, go ahead and do it. But if you start talking shit about me because I post about my mental diseases, I'll be pissed off (just like if you make fun of me or something because of my orientation).